How to be perfectly miserable

• Think about yourself
• Talk about yourself
• Use "I" as often as possible
• Mirror yourself continually in the opinion of others
• Listen greedily to what people have to say about you
• Expect to be appreciated
• Be suspicious
• Be jealous and envious
• Be sensitive to slights
• Never forgive a criticism
• Trust no one but yourself
• Insist on consideration and respect
• Demand agreement with your own views on everything
• Sulk if people are not grateful to you for favors shown them
• Never forget a service you may have rendered
• Be on the look out for a good time for yourself
• Shirk your duties if you can
• Do as little as possible for others
• Love yourself supremely
• Be selfish 

This recipe is guaranteed to be infallible.   -Author Unknown